I am so not used to this sudden weather change. Change and more changes, I simply cannot catch up with them......how I wish I am given more time to finish all the things on hands, time is an absolute essence in this case. Guess I need to manage my time more effectively, more productively and more carefully. Wasting time has become my newest acquisition in life and I DO feel guilty about it. '  I think I have been neglecting my duty as a student for quite a while, as well as being amnesiac about the bigger picture regarding my future. Seriously, I dun think I have traveled far enough to deserve such luxury, its way too premature. Though my friend told me not to think too much into the future, just focus on the present, I find it tough to leave out the future in my equation. More than ever, I feel that I am too speculative and sensitive in an unhealthy way. They root from the facts that I am overly self-conscious and protective of myself. That's why I cannot let go of the future, cuz I hope to see it unfolds the way I imagine, thereby avoiding pain, disappointment and frustration. As subtle as the breeze, this invisible mojo slowly takes over me, and before I realise its power, has created some profound changes in my personality. Though I quite resent this change, it is one that has marked my growth during my times in Berkeley.

Many times, I find it hard to practice what I have preached. But without these constant reminders to myself and discussion with others, I think I would have only fared worse. Right now, I really have to pick up the loose ends. I want it back, back consistently, no lapses, and without ever pooping out some stinky-arse nonsense. No more trash toking, no more fooling around, no more irresponsible escapade, no more, hell NO......this time is FOR REAL. I swear.